C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
