So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
