I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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