dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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