dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize