This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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