I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sober January is a disaster.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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