Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
