don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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