he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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