He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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