sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
