so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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