Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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