he puts the penis in happiness.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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