I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
