Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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