This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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