I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
