Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
