there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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