call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I understand Curling. That high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize