talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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