Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
