i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
