I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
