I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
