After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My bed smells like the plague
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
