I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
