Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
