So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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