Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
