I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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