I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
