I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
