I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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