I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
