fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
