If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
