That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
