I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
