I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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