I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
