This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You made out with two different species that night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
there is glitter all over my balls
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
