Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
then he tried to convert me to islam
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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