Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
