Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
