Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
