i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
