Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
