omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
