We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
