I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
