dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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