shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
