honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
