I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
