u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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