News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
