are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
