It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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