quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
