we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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