last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
