i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
