Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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