First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
