found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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