Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
