I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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