I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
