The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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