no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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