Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
