He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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