she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
