This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
