Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
