Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
True strength comes from lack of pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
