.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
