I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
