When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
