Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
