The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You can't motorboat a personality
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't deserve a penis
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
