It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
