She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
