u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Someone shit on the floor
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
