You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
