i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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