We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
