who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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