Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if only i could text you this smell
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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