I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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