I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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