Cold hands, warm shart.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
