You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
