if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
