I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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