I wish I could punch you in the face.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
