and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
