We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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