Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
