apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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