so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize