Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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