Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
