I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize