"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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