who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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