I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
